The One Where He's The Jester
by i.heart.play-doh
Summary: After tricking Eric & Natalia quite easily, Ryan has a bit of trouble with Calleigh. CaRWash! :D


**Why, hello there! Here's another installation of my yet-to-be-titled oneshot series of CaRWash stories. ;] **

**Please remember that each story in the series doesn't have anything to do with the other stories. So they're more like random occurrences that never happen in the same space-time continuum. Or something like that.**

**So here i am, with another story. One-half because a lot of the stories out on this category are all either angsty dramas or intense crime stories. The other half because Cal & Ryan have been getting swamped by the Cal & Eric shippers lately (Don't get me wrong Hiphuggers, they're totally cute together. I'm just leaning towards CaRWash. Please don't hate me! :P) & yet another half because it's been a while since i've posted anything.**

**Oh yeah. My other non-oneshot tales? Since they're holdiday-themed, i shall continue them when everyone's in the spirit. I vaguely remember saying this already, but i don't have the motivation to check my other stories.**

**All right, all right. Read on, s'il vous plait. Enjoy!  
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* * *

"Hey Delko. What's that on your shirt?"

A finger pointed to Eric Delko's green and white patterned shirt. Oblivious, Delko stopped perusing a case file in his hand, followed the finger's target and looked down.

"Ow!" The Cuban rubbed his nose from the sudden impact the finger had caused. Obliviously, once Delko peeked at his shirt, the culprit took the opportunity to swiftly flick his hand upwards, resulting in a sore nose and a chuckling perpetrator.

"God, Delko. Can't believe you fell for that."

"Shut up, Wolfe." Though he talked in a serious tone, his small smile and reddened cheeks said otherwise.

"What are you doing anyways?"

Ryan Wolfe's shoulders bounced up and down. "I don't know. April Fool's?"

"April 1st isn't for another 5 months. Christmas isn't even here yet."

"I'm an early bird."

"Does that mean I'll be getting my Christmas present soon?" Eric's eyebrows raised in expectation.

"Who said I was giving you one?" A smirk.

"Well I hate to break up the chitchat, but Eric, H is looking for you. He's in the garage."

Two pairs of eyes rolled in unison.

"Oh, who are you kidding, Natalia?" Ryan.

"You love it." Eric.

She smiled. "You guys know me so well." Natalia Boa Vista placed a hand on Delko's chest and softly pushed him backward. "Now go."

Delko held his hands in surrender and disappeared down the hall. Natalia turned to leave.

"Wait. Natalia."

"What?"

Ryan pondered, then shook his head. "Never mind."

Her eyebrows wrinkled slightly. Walking backwards, she let his abrupt comment slide but still kept an eye on him.

She couldn't quite pinpoint what it was, but there was something in the way his smile never faltered that got her suspicious.

--

Natalia had to eat something before her growling stomach started scaring away the people she was interrogating.

She found Ryan in the break room casually reading a worn out TIME magazine and munching on a banana. His feet were resting on another chair and his back was reclined as he leant back to find a comfortable position.

She greeted him quickly, distracted in her search to satisfy her hunger.

Ryan looked up from his magazine and settled for waving at her since his mouth was full. His hand toppled the magazine out of his lap and it fell to the floor, out of his reach.

"Damn," he mumbled, mouth in the process of chewing.

Too lazy to remove his feet from the chair he gave up trying to reach for it and left it on the floor, focusing on the new occupant of the room.

By then Natalia was half finished making herself a simple ham, lettuce, and tomato sandwich.

They ate in comfortable silence, Natalia practically murdering her sandwich while Ryan watched interestedly and continued eating his bananas.

"You know, if you keep eating bananas you'll get an overdose of potassium."

He shrugged and swallowed. "Eh. Least I'll die with a stomach full of banana goodness."

Natalia stood up, gathering her plate. She walked over to the sink and rinsed it with water.

Walking back, her heel caught the flopped magazine Ryan refused to pick up, and in a sudden reflex stretched out her arms and flailed in an attempt to grab hold of anything to keep her from falling.

What she got instead was Ryan's arm. Caught unaware of Natalia's grip on him, he jumped, and the chairs he was lying on began to slant under the unbalanced weight.

Next thing she knew she was on the floor lying on her back. And Ryan was on top of her.

They stayed that way for a few seconds, both brains scattered and trying to recollect what just happened.

Then Natalia felt something move and stick into her. Down _there_.

Desperately hoping it was the yellow fruit he was eating, she asked, "Ryan…what is that?"

His eyelids fluttered wildly. "I can tell you what it isn't: my banana," he whispered in a sultry voice.

Her eyes widened in the sudden realization of what he was implying.

Screaming "Get off me!" she pushed him and scrambled to her feet. Ryan was in fetal position, laughing crazily. He rolled onto his back, and Natalia saw a banana jutting out in-between his legs.

"You should have seen the look on your face! Priceless!" He tried to impersonate her wide-eyed look but failed in a bout of laughter.

She kicked him in the shin. He stopped laughing.

"Not a word, Wolfe."

"Of course not. This is strictly a you-had-to-be-there joke." A smile broke out and in milliseconds he was in hysterics.

"Oh, come on. It's funny. You know it was good."

She nodded. "It was good. You tricked me all right."

Natalia walked to the door. "So good I just might arrest you for rape. It's totally believable, given how well it worked out."

Ryan's upper body jolted up. "Oh, haha. Good one, Natalia." Nervously he made a pistol with his fingers and clicked his tongue as he pretended to shoot the gun.

"I'm serious. Let me just get my handcuffs. Stay put."

He couldn't tell whether she was kidding or not.

--

Ryan was feeling a little devious. Having successfully fooled Delko and Natalia – though the end result wasn't what was originally planned – he set out in search of a certain blonde to try his luck.

He figured she'd be in her home away from home, shooting rounds for a case or simply for a stress release. So he chose the roads less traveled for extra stealth. That and he didn't feel like being handcuffed – seriously or otherwise – by Natalia any time soon.

He stood in the doorway and watched Calleigh shoot through the paper targets with extreme precision. Her long blond hair was tied up into a neat ponytail, her ears covered with the blue padded mufflers. Her white lab coat covered her outfit from the back, but already Ryan knew what she was wearing that day – a white buttoned long-sleeved blouse under a dark gray vest and matching dress pants. Bold pink heels jutted from her pant legs; leave it to Calleigh to wear something eccentric.

Clear goggles must be hugging her eyes and resting comfortably on her nose. _Lucky goggles,_ he thought_, what I'd give to be able to touch her wonderfully smooth skin._ His eyes sparkled at the thought. _Of course, I could only guess that they're smooth._

"I certainly hope you're not stalking me, Ryan." At the mention of his name he crashed back into reality.

"Huh?"

Calleigh was turned around and unloading her gun. She paused to look at him and smiled at the adorable look his face had whenever he was confused.

"Don't be a creeper. Come in."

Not quite out of his daydream, Ryan sauntered inside, almost zombie-like.

"I hear you've been going around tricking people, mister." She narrowed her eyes and wagged a delicate finger at him playfully, in a sort of 'tsk-tsk' gesture.

"So is it my turn?"

"And what if it is?"

"I should warn you. I'm not easily fooled. I grew up with brothers, guys like you who try and ultimately fail in pranking me."

"Pranking's not even a word."

"That's all you can say?"

"And no offense to your brothers, but I can do better."

"Yeah? Why's that?" She leaned her elbows on the table.

He followed suit. Mere inches of space separated them.

"Because I hate dry lips."

"Excuse me?"

He reiterated. "I don't like dry lips."

Calleigh's face became confused. "What does this have to with dry lips?"

Ryan ignored her question and leaned closer to her. "Don't you hate dry lips?" She could feel his hot breath on her face as he spoke each word slowly.

A smile made its way to her mouth. "Mr. Wolfe. This, this thing you're doing. It's not going to work." She whispered the words, her Southern accent getting heavier.

"What am I doing?"

"Trying to get me to lick my lips."

"Me? Noo… I wouldn't do such a thing."

As much as she didn't want to, she leaned back and crossed her arms.

"Told ya."

"That's all right. I like a challenge."

--

Ryan wasn't in the mood for planning elaborate tricks. So he settled with using his mouth – clever quips and infallible comebacks. So far he was 0 for 1 with Calleigh. But that's okay. He's got lots more where that came from… wherever it came from.

Calleigh had just finished talking to Horatio and was down the hall when she met up with Ryan. He matched her stride seamlessly.

"Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia." There was no need for small talk; Ryan dove head first into business.

Calleigh just looked at him.

_Damn._ He needed to get her to talk. "Trichotillomania." Take two.

"Huh?" Now the ball was rolling; he got a response out of her!

"What was that, Cal?"

"Hm?"

"Losers-say-'what?'" Ryan spoke in a hurried tone, and his words jumbled together into a string of one supposedly incoherent word.

"You just said it."

"What?"

Calleigh smiled. Apparently not that incoherent.

It took him a second to realize that she tricked him instead.

"I've gotta say, Ryan. That was a pretty lame try."

"Lame? When my friend tried it on me it worked."

"Which is probably why you fell for it again the second time around."

"Shush."

"All I'm saying is, try harder. 'A' for effort, though." Calleigh began walking faster as she saw Natalia exiting the DNA lab. She needed her DNA results.

Ryan stopped when he saw Natalia.

"Effort isn't even spelled with an 'A'!" he called after her.

She responded with a quick flick of her head – her hair flowed gracefully during the movement – and a wave.

Though she didn't turn around he knew she was walking up to Natalia with a large smile on her face.

--

"Boo!"

"Not even, Ryan." Calleigh looked up from the papers in a manila folder, completely unfazed.

"I could hear you coming from a mile away."

Ryan crossed his arms, leaned his head forward, and looked up at her. "Oh really? Well, I wasn't even a mile away. So ha."

She smirked. "Then I guess I was right about you stalking me."

"Damn. Fell right into that, didn't I?"

Calleigh nodded, returning to look at her papers for one short second, then gave up and gathered the files. Besides, she needed to have her full attention on Ryan if she wanted to win their little game.

"Hey, you open yourself up to them and practically invite me to tease you. I can't be held accountable for what happens afterward."

He laughed. It sounded so sweet in her ears.

Ryan put a hand on his mouth and ran it down the bottom half of his face. He looked somewhat pouty, almost disappointed that he still hasn't succeeded. She thought it was cute.

"You know what, Cal? I give up."

"Aw, just like that?" She looked at him innocently, an expression she used almost exclusively on him.

He shrugged. "Just like that. I guess I was wrong. You're too smart for me. You're lucky; your brothers prepared you for my genius-ness."

"And if I told you that I'll give you whatever you want if you genuinely trick me, will you reconsider?"

"_Whatever_ I want?" Eyebrows shot up in perfect arches.

"Don't even go there, funnyboy. You know what I mean by 'whatever'."

"Hm. Maybe; I'll think about it. I don't have any tricks left though."

"The best tricks are the ones that you think of on the spot."

Ryan grinned widely. "Now that was a pretty bad attempt at encouraging me. You must really want me to try again, don't you?"

"It's three o'clock in the afternoon and I haven't had my lunch, okay? Give me a break if my brain isn't functioning properly." Calleigh noticed that her smile hasn't left her face the whole day. As much as she liked it, it was starting to hurt her jaw.

Ryan got distracted when he suddenly looked over Calleigh's shoulder. He nodded as a greeting, keeping eye contact with whoever it was behind the glass of the room they were standing in.

"Calleigh, look." He pointed behind her. "Horatio wants to see you outside."

"Believe it or not, Ryan, I almost fell for that."

His eyebrows furrowed. "No, Cal. I'm not even joking. He's right there."

"Sure, right." Then she heard a slight tapping on the glass. Almost instantly after the noise stopped her cheeks colored and her eyes were apologetic. Ryan only smiled in return; she didn't need to say sorry.

Calleigh turned her head to look at Horatio, and nodded at her boss as he waited patiently outside, fingers fiddling with his sunglasses.

She didn't expect the lips that met hers as she turned back. They were soft and sweet. It was almost as if he just stood there and waited for her brain to turn on with the way he was kissing her so carefully.

In seconds Calleigh reciprocated. Simultaneously, she wrapped her arms around his neck as he placed his hands on her waist, like it was the most natural thing for them to be doing. At work. With Horatio standing outside.

As if the thought struck them both at once, they stopped, panting faintly. Their foreheads were touching, and they didn't move from their position. Apart from being quite comfortable, neither was sure if they wanted to see if their boss saw what happened.

Taking one deep breath Ryan took initiative and looked in the direction of where Horatio was standing. He held Calleigh close; he would celebrate her kissing him back a little later.

Ryan couldn't see Horatio's face. He was conveniently facing the opposite direction, one hand on his hip and the other holding a phone in his ear. He breathed a sigh of relief. Besides, he had a feeling they would rather tell their boss outright than have him see them making out at work.

Ryan pulled Calleigh closer, now in an embrace. She lowered her hands from his neck to his waist as he wrapped her in his arms. She fit perfectly in the stature of his body.

He whispered. "How about I redeem my prize and you let me take you out to lunch. Right now."

He felt Calleigh shake beneath him and heard a muffled laugh.

"Sounds good to me."

They separated from the hug but held hands, walking towards the glass door. Horatio was nowhere in sight; that must have been one important phone call.

"Wanna know something, Ryan?" she asked, her voice still a clear indication she was in the clouds.

"What's that, Cal?"

"I'm glad you reconsidered." She smiled at him, eyes sparkling brighter than usual.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Means I get a free lunch. And you, of course." She winked.

Ryan could only laugh as he pulled her closer to him and they walked together, his arm around her shoulder and hers around his waist.

Cheesy as it was, third time really was the charm.

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**So? Was it cute or was it cute? Hm. I'm not giving you a lot of choices, am i? :P **

**If you like this one, check out the other stories titled in the same fashion: _The One Where They Eavesrop, The One Where He's In Quarantine, & The One Where She Won't Stop Staring._**

**Oh, & fret not. I'ma have a Calleigh-centric CaRWash oneshot soon. It's just lotsa fun to write from Ryan's.**

**Still. Leave comments, please. They make me all warm & fuzzy inside. Or maybe that's just the Coke.**


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